I believe the stars are my mirror Or I'm the mirror for the stars, Either way I believe love is the reason I'm here today Not just romantic love, All the love I believe safety is the most comforting feeling a girl or woman can feel I believe in therapy, massage, talk, IFS, IPT, physical, and WFW I believe in myself...fuckin' finally I believe in trusting myself and self love I believe in nurturing.. Nurturing self, nature, and the human race I believe in boundaries, respecting others' and my own I believe in music and I believe vocal chords are the most beautiful instrument we have Oh! I also swoon over the sound of the saxophone I believe plant medicine heals and allowing ourselves to be held and to hold others heals too I believe in the power of pen to paper and I believe poetry does not have to rhyme in order to flow into my heart space and the heart spaces of others. I believe my inner child is proud and in awe of the woman I am now and the woman I am becoming.

Holding on to pieces of the past as if they're going to help me with my future. Holding on to pieces of the past as if those pieces are safe for me. They are not. The pieces of the past that I was holding onto were dangerous and toxic for me to hold onto. But it was all I knew. So my hands became callused from my tight grip Like a kid holding onto the monkey bars trying to beat their own record. The bell has rung, everyone went back to class, But there's the kid, still holding onto the monkey bars for no other reason than to prove a sense of accomplishment to themselves and then maybe go home and tell her parents who won't care Holding onto pieces of the past even though it hurts to do so? Why? Let go Let go of those pieces Let go of people pleasing and religion Open your hands and your heart And allow yourself to fall into the unknown and the uncomfortable There is safety to be found in the discomfort and in the unknown Whatever you're looking for It's found in letting go What you're looking for is right in front of you but you were looking beyond it What I am looking for is right in front of me But I was looking beyond it I'm no longer holding onto pieces of my past, I'm letting go of all of the pieces They got too heavy for me to carry and they weren't my responsibility to hold in the first place Holding onto pieces of the past is something I did in my past I feel myself shifting and changing and growing The more open I allow myself to be, the more I flow in peace and love.

Keep falling in love with yourself with life Keep falling in love with what lights you up Keep learning about yourself and keep romanticizing what you already know about yourself Keep your eucalyptus oils and favorite perfume stocked and keep your coziest socks clean Keep your space cleansed and your heart open Keep falling in love with self and all the magic and power inside of you Keep going, keep growing, keep creating, keep prioritizing rest, and keep allowing yourself grace, gratitude, joy, and glimmers within each day. Keep hating winter in Utah, if you want... But just keep trying to find all the reason you can love it Keep your eyes peeled and only digest the tea that's meant for you Keep falling in love with you and your life and the humans who feel like home. Keep writing until the music stops and keep recognizing the gifts you've received. Keep an open mind and keep your boundaries. Keep up the good work and keep listening to your body Keep looking for the charger to your favorite toy you lost weeks ago...it exists somewhere, you'll find it. Keep falling in love with being alive The pain, the pleasure, All of it

Maybe mistakes are meant to be made So we can learn from them And Maybe our hearts are meant to be broken So we can mend them Maybe pain is meant to be felt as much as pleasure And maybe joy and sadness can help us remember who we are, Where we came from, and where we are going Maybe Vulnerability isn't so scary once we've felt safe inside our body And maybe two Vulnerable humans will always find a way Maybe souls meet again in different lifetimes And maybe they don't Maybe my past wasn't so bad after all Maybe it made me the bad ass woman I am today Maybe it's a good thing all those doors felt like they were slammed in my face So I'd be forced to keep knocking, Keep unlearning what was taught to me so I could drown out the noise And listen to my intuition and inner knowing Maybe mistakes aren't even mistakes, just redirection. Maybe learning to say, "No" when I mean "No" is one of the best ways to say "yes" to myself Maybe healing is possible Maybe I've proved this to myself, The only person I have anything to prove anything to anyway.

Never underestimate the power of an ancestor I'm only beginning to tap into all of this for myself And I can say with conviction: I feel the support of my Grandmother who passed away when I was five I've been stuck there, emotionally, As a five year old little girl whose joy Was snatched out of her hands the day her Grandmother had a heart attack I have no memories of Grandma while she was alive Only stories and photos and the smell of eucalyptus I've felt her so many times And then doubted what I felt I'm still her favorite. I didn't like being her favorite as a six year old who was Missing her deeply And was intensely confused by her disappearance My uncles can fuck all the way off with their jealous remarks about being her favorite I saw her the other day She sent a bird to me It was royal blue Her favorite color I know it was her Because I was walking my dog and birds never come near us Because my dog is a cute bully, especially with birds. I know it was her because I put my hand on my heart right away And I've recently learned that she is helping me heal my heart. I know I am supported, provided for, and protected And I know I just have to keep listening to my body and the sound of the wind and I'll keep feeling her. I was mad for so long Feeling like she left me with a bunch of idiots Who aren't Pisces like she and I are But she's been here Holding my hand Walking with me and Guiding me all along And I am listening

I voted for my first time this year and I was so excited about it I felt like I was making a difference I did make a difference or a change At least for myself And as a recovering people-pleaser, that’s big for me Making changes for myself is making a difference I voted for women I voted for my nieces and nephews  I voted for myself  I voted for women’s health care I voted for stargazing with people I love and  I voted for something that I felt like was equality  And I can’t help but wonder if equality is even possible anymore.  I voted so I could feel some sense of control or empowerment I voted for individuals using their voice No matter how sly their abusers may be I voted for love The frequency of love Not necessarily romantic love Though that is an aspect  I voted for women supporting women Which is something I’ve taught myself to do  Despite being discouraged to do so.  I voted for our planet, Mother earth The planet I am actually pretty terrified is getting destroyed before I can experience as much of it as I want to I still have so much I have to explore here.  I voted for joy  A feeling I didn’t allow myself to feel for too long I voted for calm I voted for peace

We are creatures of constant Awe And not to brag, but this line stood out to me and I wrote it down before Bree suggested it as a prompt. Okay so I'm totally bragging. We are creatures of constant Awe The first story that comes to mind is the time I told my nephew Who was 4 at the time, "Look up at the Sky! What a beautiful sunset!" He stopped, looked up, his eyes widened as he looked at me and then back up at the Sky and said, "Whoooa! I didn't know the Sky can change colors like that!" He's 11 now, and taller than me already, but I'll never tell him to stop growing Because when I was a kid and grown ups told me to stop growing, I experienced anxiety and dread and wanted to scream at them, "I CAN'T STOP GROWING! NEVER TELL SOMEONE TO STOP GROWING!" I guess I took it literally, When they didn't mean it literally. It felt literal. Like they actually wanted me to stay small, Like the more space I took up, The more uncomfortable they would feel. We are creatures of constant Awe, and I'm in awe of how beautiful and tragic this experience of having a body and being a human is. My hand hurts, Like I'm pushing down on the paper with my pen harder than is necessary. I play Mario Kart the same way, My thumb hurts from tensing up with the controller as if pushing harder will make my Yoshi Character go faster.

There is joy in all There is joy in waking up to my two year old dog in the morning Her little smushed face just can’t possibly be close enough to mine “Good morning dis bby one” I say as Her head tilts, she jumps off the bed with her two front paws facing me as she stretches We make our way outside where I join her in some salutations to the sun There is joy in all In our sunshine time in the morning walks and our evening walks There is joy in all Including being a human, is it weird that I wish I was a dog? Maybe all humans wish they could be something else at times. I actually would be a sea turtle if I could be anything other than being human There is joy in being human and I’m glad I’m human and not a dog or a sea turtle right now I really went off topic and there is joy in going off topic I’m still writing and wonder why I can’t think of other joyful things There is joy in all In a cup of tea and in making new friends especially as an adult

Find me wild about lavender tea in coffee shops with friends old and new Find me wild about growth. Spring is blossoming and “Hi, I am too!” Find me wild about poetry and healing and feeling myself Find me wild about looking at every part of me, taking them off the dusty shelf Find me wild about soul connections and family I choose Find me wild about exploring my 30’s without excessive amounts of booze Find me wild about holding space for feelings and a fresh new start Find me wild about writing classes, music, and all things art Find me wild about movement, dance, and flow within my hips Find me wild about water, hydration, and moisturized lips

With you in my life, I was left wingless While deep down I could always feel that I am meant for more than this I'd never befriend someone who's gotten as many chances as you Someone who has clipped my wings more than a time or two It was my 31st birthday, you're driving, I'm in the passengar seat I'm singing out the window, Queen's "I WANT TO BREAK FREE!" I felt the way you looked at me, like I was some type of crazy You rolled your eyes and speed up as you realized that I really do want to break free Free from all your games and tricks, the little lies you tell I want to break free from all your manipulation, it's hell! Free me from all my mother's shame I'm guiltless now. Pure, and not to blame I'm freeing myself today and every day I'm my own idependant woman, no one gets in my way You taught me to self-sabatoge and how to feel shame I'm so sorry that people hurt you and I'd never want to do the same With my new wings I'll learn to fly I'll love and I'll laugh and I'll finally find my "why" This is for me, a gift to myself and my heart Like Carries Fisher advised, I am turning what is broken into art.