Forgive me if

as time continues onward

I am a myriad of different people

all trying desperately to put on their bravest faces

all failing miserably

forgive me if

as we go about our day

making breakfast for the kids

getting teeth brushed

shoes on

flowing from one activity to the next

I am unable to stay grounded

amidst the chaos that is life with kids

I am still new to this and my own inner kid gets uncomfortable when our kids are given the space to be themselves free of judgement

forgive me if their crazy becomes too much

forgive me if needing to be the rememebrer for a house of five people gets to be too heavy

and I faulted in my collectedness

forgive me if

before I can be a good parent

I find myself having to parent myself

forgive my jealousy

I was raised to fear who I am

and though I’ve made great leaps of progress

I still find my mind wandering away from my heart

forgetting who I am

in the midst of our beautiful life

I feel the ache of all the life I’ve lived that hasn’t been beautiful

forgive me for this

I am trying