I wrote this poem about a year ago during the Aquarius New Moon. Workshopped it a little and am feeling sentimental about the ways I’ve grown since writing these words.
I was born a centaur
Required by Aquarius
to breath into me some life.
I am a fiery Sagittarius
in the light of day and
I fall into a pit of Scorpio
when dusk folds into dark.
At night, I fear you see me
conflate my trauma for my sense of self.
In the comfort of an old growth forest
I play my games of hide and seek -
Hoping you mistake me as a wise
and mysterious woman, instead.
Still I have this impulse to make sure that
YOU know that I know
all about my dark frayed edges,
before I ever let you see
just how much I can shine.
I have this nightmare -
I arrive at my dance recital
after not having rehearsed all year.
Perhaps my biggest barrier in life -
Needing to have perfected my pirouettes
before I allow myself to be seen at all.
In the desert I breath more deeply.
She's invites me afterall
To a gathering where I'm wanted
No need to fight or fawn,
No need to question deserts -
I know where I sit with stone.
Still I've worked my self to bone
to fit these rigid spaces
the ones where praise comes
for how well I perform
and how good it makes your feel.
Experience tells me backbends
are a means to being a good daughter.
This is what I've long since learned
about what it takes to be a worthy lover.
But not everyone can grow up
to be such an accomplished
or esteemed chameleon.
Shadows are sometimes hard to see
among the crimson hoodoo rock.
I wonder if I like to hide here
for the very simple fact -
I am her same color scheme .
Catch me camouflaging
in a scenic southwest scape.
Deserts don’t ask me to wear tutus
or to explain myself
or to contort beyond my means
or to provide an even scoreboard.
And despite it all I'm here -
Strutting before you, a very Sag disaster.
Glowing below you, a mess of spring time asters.
In the depths of this dark moon, two truths will be uncovered:
1. My worth - best understood as I journey to be my own mother.
2. My value - unmistakably found when roaming the vastness of a desert.