2am comes and I roll over in the shadows of our room
my mind a swirling blackhole swallowing all matter in its presence
Every manner of worry
Every anxiety
Gnawing like a starving puppy on my brain
And in that moment a still soft pulling echoes across the space between you and I
A need to call out through the dark to know if you’re still there
If you’ll still be there in the morning
My therapist interrupted my story of a toxic friendship to recommend a book before she forgot: codependent no more.
I laugh as I tell you this story, that as I listened to it while cleaning out our garage I thought
“Oh noooo… oh no that’s definitely a thing…”
I add it to my pile of shit to work on to be a better version of me
A better partner
A better parent
When I became codependent is a mystery to me
Though I trace lines between each reinforcing event drawing constellations in the night sky of my life
Moments suspended in time like planets I know by heart
But now there’s us
There’s you
My moon
Brighter than each of these
And we laugh about my pile with its shiny, newly discovered thing to heal because I am safe and you are here